A female friend just wrote a great post. We’re both in the same industry, characterized by technology-fixation and near-total male domination. While I despise the prevailing boys’ club atmosphere, being in possession of the preferred genitalia has provided me with the luxury of gender-camouflage, and a level of automatic acceptance that my friend has to fight tooth and nail for. She writes:
As women’s interests branch into what were traditional male hobby zones (gear-headedness, technical activities, electronics & gaming to name a few), we see more women in related industries. Where blatant sexism in the workplace is tempered, the bitch or hoe scenario continues to rear its ugly head between professional and aprofessional contexts. Allow me to generally define this scenario:
As in many competitive industries, networking and contacts are rather necessary for success. Not to mention that it is nice to have friendships with members of the opposite sex with whom you share common interests and professional goals. It is my observation that there are still many guys who can’t help but lump women into 3 categories: 1. unattractive 2. bitch 3. hoe
If said guys find you attractive, especially if single, you will find yourself in a no-win situation.
The awkward inevitability is that in your efforts to reach out, make friends, and/or assimilate, you will be cornered. You will be (romantically or sexually) propositioned (usually directly), at which point, you decide your fate as either a bitch or a hoe. Reject or discourage and you are a ‘bitch’ for showing general interest and getting his hopes up. Embrace sexual desires for someone/s who share a common career path, and you become a ‘hoe’ who is going to be taken even less seriously than before.
The problem is these particular men are unaccepting of diplomatic attempts to side step this categorization. They simply cannot think of women they find attractive as colleagues or peers. They don’t appreciate that it is not only men who must use charisma and affiliative friendliness to form political and personal bonds.
Addendum:
Some tell-tale signs (from my experience) that you are dealing with the 3-category guy:
1. He doesn’t tend to have non-sexually driven contact with women
2. If you smile, he seems to take it as definitive flirtation
3. If you make direct eye contact, he seems to take it as definitive flirtation
4. You feel like you’d have to wear a burka to prevent mixed signals
5. He indicates that you have misled him
6. He seems oblivious and/or doesn’t attend or listen when you speak
Reminds me of my friend Audrey’s words in another recent blog post over at Feral Scholar:
It doesn’t surprise me that people use gender slurs, or equate women and their bodies with all that is bad, and men and their testicles with strength of character and all that is good. Our culture pours these thoughts into our heads …
It’s filled with derogatory words for women who are sexually active, and for women who aren’t, and for women we wish would be more sexually active, and for women who walk around in public without looking sexually attractive enough, for women who speak when they should be making themselves more sexually attractive, and for women who haven’t learned yet that speaking makes them less sexually attractive.
These words don’t have male counterparts, because we don’t have a need, in our culture, to keep men in their place … Women’s value is, at the end of the day, based on their potential as objects for men’s sexual gratification.
http://stangoff.com/?p=523
Of course, within my industry, this kind of cogent critique of boys’ club culture serves merely as proof of women’s “hypersensitivity” & inability to “hack it with the big boys.”
